I am not strong, but I will be.

This may possibly be my favorite quote, or at least one of them. I overindulge myself with quotes, which includes a section of wall in my room filled with them. It would be a understatement if I said I wasn’t obsessed, and if you say you don’t like quotes, you’re lying, or maybe you just don’t like quotes, but I find that hard to believe. Seriously though, there’s something about a deep thought, from a mind other than your own, that you can personally connect to. Quotes technically come in all different shapes and sizes, meaning that they can be exhilarating, life affirming, simply uplifting, or interpreted in any way that you choose to interpret it in. I think that’s the most beautiful thing about a quote that you can connect with. Each person who reads that quote may be able to categorize the mood behind it, but it’s meaning will most likely differ from one person to another. This same quote will also most likely relate each person’s life differently. No one has 100% the same experiences, and even if you did, there are so many different factors such as emotions, knowledge, wisdom, ability to retain a situation, and interpretations in general that conflict with the idea that we would feel the same about each line of text we read.

Now that I’ve completely sidetracked you from what this post is really supposed to be about (all a part of my master plan, but not really), I guess I’ll return to why I like this particular quote so much. It demonstrates strength, and the control over your own life and destiny. I’ve always been told that you have control over your own life and your own destiny. I believed it each time I was told, and I believe it today, but as we all know “your actions speak louder than words.”

To be completely honest, I haven’t ever been in control of my own life, and to be even more honest, it’s partly my fault. I’ve put my life in the hands of people I trust, because to be “frank,” life is utterly terrifying, and if you don’t think so or haven’t thought so at least for one moment of your life you’re mistaken. Here lately, I have gone through one of the hardest and most stressful times of my life up to this point. For starters, I just entered my senior year of high school, and if the end of the beginning of my life isn’t scary, I don’t know what is, but I have a somewhat organized plan and I know what I want to do after high school. When you leave high school, I understand that you gain a chunk of freedom that you didn’t have before.  Recently, I’ve gained a slice of freedom due to the personal issues in my life. It’s bittersweet for me, because I’m experiencing something new and I enjoy it, but at the same time I’m scared of what could happen if I took it too far. I’m embracing it though, and I have faith that I can get through it, which makes everything easier to accept and take in.

As far as strength goes, I’ve never had it. The cruel truth is I am an emotional teenage girl, and one of my personality traits include wearing my heart on my sleeves. I don’t get angry often, but I get my feelings hurt on pretty much an every other day basis. Though you would never know it, because everything rolls off my shoulders. I cry A LOT, and most of the time for reasons unbenounced to me.  Partly due to the teenage girl part of me, and partly due to my personality. I’ve always admired people with a lot of strength. Up until here lately, my mother was the strongest person I knew. Now, it’s been a lot more difficult to admire her as a person, because of the questionable things I’ve witnessed and overheard her doing. This means that I’ve had to be my own strength, and admire what strength I did have inside me. It’s been a difficult road, but I’m proud to say I can’t remember the last time I cried, because of emotions anyway (those chick flicks tug my heart strings, what can I say?).

I will be your strength, your rock, the shoulder you can cry on, so take advantage of that, and feel free to contact me on my blog email at hopeisawakingdream1@gmail.com

I just created this email for this blog specifically, because wordpress doesn’t have a direct messaging program in place. Please be courteous and use it for good, not evil 🙂