I once read a quote that read “Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
Not too long ago, I decided to take a different view on life. I didn’t make this decision in a time where I knew I was struggling, in fact, I was completely unaware of the life I had been living. My life at the time was mediocre. I was going through the motions, and I had been living this way for years, maybe a majority of my life. It seems like it would be easy to know if you weren’t living your life to the fullest, or if you weren’t happy, but for me it wasn’t. I wasn’t living life unhappily to my conscious knowledge. I enjoyed life, laughed, worked hard, and loved. I had a great group of friends, a supportive and loving family, and I lived a more than comfortable lifestyle. I thought there was no way that I could ask for or need more.
The moments in which I realized I was unhappy with my lifestyle were unspecific, minute moments of my life. I remember the days when dropping a piece of cheese on the floor ruined my mood, and I turned into this hostile and aggressive person I wouldn’t recognize today. I began to realize something was wrong. Towards the end, I seriously considered that fact that I may be depressed, and needed to see a doctor. I’m not a huge fan of the doctor, so of course, I attempted to look for alternatives. I couldn’t of even imagined that it was me, and the way I decided to live my life.
I started to read up on perspective, look at blogs, and really take a look at my life. I wouldn’t be able to tell you what sparked the realization that occurred, but I can tell you that whatever it was, changed my life for the better and saved me from continuing with a life I wasn’t proud of. In the beginning, I didn’t even know what changed. I was happier, I just knew I felt more alive. I started to get upset less, and I began to look at people differently, look at myself differently. The situations I got put in, I viewed more positively.
Positive, the word that describes what I then had suddenly realized changed. Now, if I dropped a piece of cheese on the floor, I would assume there was a reason I wasn’t supposed to eat that specific piece of cheese. I’m not trying to say that the reason that I came up with is true, but it made me feel better, and ultimately, isn’t that what life is about? I sat down, and spent some time thinking about how difficult it was to live life when everything I thought about was negative. Even worse, that I thought life at that time was great. I was so grateful for what I had been given in life, that I wasn’t being grateful for life itself. I was living in such a way, that I know now, later down the road, I would not have been proud of.
Today, I try to spread optimism. When a bad situation occurs, I try to lighten it by suggesting why it may have happened, or remembering how lucky the situation is compared to how it could have been. The hostility is completely gone, and now I rarely feel the need to sit down and cry or be angry with someone. The clouds in my life have a different meaning now. The storm is over, and I’m beginning to heal and grow as a person. I’m not done changing, and I don’t think I ever will be. I’m really glad though, that I’ll keep changing and growing. If you’re lucky enough to realize that it’s happening, it’s one of the best experiences that you can have happen to you.