I am not strong, but I will be.

This may possibly be my favorite quote, or at least one of them. I overindulge myself with quotes, which includes a section of wall in my room filled with them. It would be a understatement if I said I wasn’t obsessed, and if you say you don’t like quotes, you’re lying, or maybe you just don’t like quotes, but I find that hard to believe. Seriously though, there’s something about a deep thought, from a mind other than your own, that you can personally connect to. Quotes technically come in all different shapes and sizes, meaning that they can be exhilarating, life affirming, simply uplifting, or interpreted in any way that you choose to interpret it in. I think that’s the most beautiful thing about a quote that you can connect with. Each person who reads that quote may be able to categorize the mood behind it, but it’s meaning will most likely differ from one person to another. This same quote will also most likely relate each person’s life differently. No one has 100% the same experiences, and even if you did, there are so many different factors such as emotions, knowledge, wisdom, ability to retain a situation, and interpretations in general that conflict with the idea that we would feel the same about each line of text we read.

Now that I’ve completely sidetracked you from what this post is really supposed to be about (all a part of my master plan, but not really), I guess I’ll return to why I like this particular quote so much. It demonstrates strength, and the control over your own life and destiny. I’ve always been told that you have control over your own life and your own destiny. I believed it each time I was told, and I believe it today, but as we all know “your actions speak louder than words.”

To be completely honest, I haven’t ever been in control of my own life, and to be even more honest, it’s partly my fault. I’ve put my life in the hands of people I trust, because to be “frank,” life is utterly terrifying, and if you don’t think so or haven’t thought so at least for one moment of your life you’re mistaken. Here lately, I have gone through one of the hardest and most stressful times of my life up to this point. For starters, I just entered my senior year of high school, and if the end of the beginning of my life isn’t scary, I don’t know what is, but I have a somewhat organized plan and I know what I want to do after high school. When you leave high school, I understand that you gain a chunk of freedom that you didn’t have before.  Recently, I’ve gained a slice of freedom due to the personal issues in my life. It’s bittersweet for me, because I’m experiencing something new and I enjoy it, but at the same time I’m scared of what could happen if I took it too far. I’m embracing it though, and I have faith that I can get through it, which makes everything easier to accept and take in.

As far as strength goes, I’ve never had it. The cruel truth is I am an emotional teenage girl, and one of my personality traits include wearing my heart on my sleeves. I don’t get angry often, but I get my feelings hurt on pretty much an every other day basis. Though you would never know it, because everything rolls off my shoulders. I cry A LOT, and most of the time for reasons unbenounced to me.  Partly due to the teenage girl part of me, and partly due to my personality. I’ve always admired people with a lot of strength. Up until here lately, my mother was the strongest person I knew. Now, it’s been a lot more difficult to admire her as a person, because of the questionable things I’ve witnessed and overheard her doing. This means that I’ve had to be my own strength, and admire what strength I did have inside me. It’s been a difficult road, but I’m proud to say I can’t remember the last time I cried, because of emotions anyway (those chick flicks tug my heart strings, what can I say?).

I will be your strength, your rock, the shoulder you can cry on, so take advantage of that, and feel free to contact me on my blog email at hopeisawakingdream1@gmail.com

I just created this email for this blog specifically, because wordpress doesn’t have a direct messaging program in place. Please be courteous and use it for good, not evil 🙂

Healing from a storm and growing with the colors of the sunset.

Image

I once read a quote that read “Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”

Not too long ago, I decided to take a different view on life. I didn’t make this decision in a time where I knew I was struggling, in fact, I was completely unaware of the life I had been living. My life at the time was mediocre. I was going through the motions, and I had been living this way for years, maybe a majority of my life. It seems like it would be easy to know if you weren’t living your life to the fullest, or if you weren’t happy, but for me it wasn’t. I wasn’t living life unhappily to my conscious knowledge. I enjoyed life, laughed, worked hard, and loved. I had a great group of friends, a supportive and loving family, and I lived a more than comfortable lifestyle. I thought there was no way that I could ask for or need more.

The moments in which I realized I was unhappy with my lifestyle were unspecific, minute moments of my life. I remember the days when dropping a piece of cheese on the floor ruined my mood, and I turned into this hostile and aggressive person I wouldn’t recognize today. I began to realize something was wrong. Towards the end, I seriously considered that fact that I may be depressed, and needed to see a doctor. I’m not a huge fan of the doctor, so of course, I attempted to look for alternatives. I couldn’t of even imagined that it was me, and the way I decided to live my life.

I started to read up on perspective, look at blogs, and really take a look at my life. I wouldn’t be able to tell you what sparked the realization that occurred, but I can tell you that whatever it was, changed my life for the better and saved me from continuing with a life I wasn’t proud of. In the beginning, I didn’t even know what changed. I was happier, I just knew I felt more alive. I started to get upset less, and I began to look at people differently, look at myself differently. The situations I got put in, I viewed more positively.

Positive, the word that describes what I then had suddenly realized changed. Now, if I dropped a piece of cheese on the floor, I would assume there was a reason I wasn’t supposed to eat that specific piece of cheese. I’m not trying to say that the reason that I came up with is true, but it made me feel better, and ultimately, isn’t that what life is about? I sat down, and spent some time thinking about how difficult it was to live life when everything I thought about was negative. Even worse, that I thought life at that time was great. I was so grateful for what I had been given in life, that I wasn’t being grateful for life itself. I was living in such a way, that I know now, later down the road, I would not have been proud of.

Today, I try to spread optimism. When a bad situation occurs, I try to lighten it by suggesting why it may have happened, or remembering how lucky the situation is compared to how it could have been. The hostility is completely gone, and now I rarely feel the need to sit down and cry or be angry with someone. The clouds in my life have a different meaning now. The storm is over, and I’m beginning to heal and grow as a person. I’m not done changing, and I don’t think I ever will be. I’m really glad though, that I’ll keep changing and growing. If you’re lucky enough to realize that it’s happening, it’s one of the best experiences that you can have happen to you.

There’s something about this little old cafe….

Image

“Strangely enough, the first character in Fried Green Tomatoes was the cafe, and the town. I think a place can be as much a character in a novel as the people.”   -Fannie Flagg

Imagine a place that feels like a home away from home. A place where you recognize and appreciate the familiar faces, but see some new faces with amazing personalities you have yet to associate with. An alternative/romantic music enthusiast’s dream hangout, with touches like books, fireplaces, comfy chairs, and WiFi to write that new blog post you just can’t seem to find the peace and quiet to write with. To top your new home off, a cup of piping hot coffee (or hot chocolate if that’s more your style) 🙂 on a chilly winter day, when you just wandered in to get away from that cold, wet snow. Now, of course this doesn’t describe every coffee shop, but c’mon, does an open cafe with sounds of crashing waves and hula music not sound just as amazing?!

More often than not, when the word “cafe” or “coffee shop” comes up in a conversation, you can only imagine what people think of. “Starbucks!” -_- This aggravates me slightly, because I consider Starbucks nothing short of the opposite of a cafe. Now, don’t get it twisted, I can go for a cup of Starbucks anything any day, despite their prices and sugar content. I think most everything there tastes amazing, they just aren’t offering the experience of a cafe that I’ve dreamed of. I think there is not only a different atmosphere, but a different group of people associated with Starbucks and other coffee shops.

With all the different personalities that run cafes around the world, you’re bound to find one you can fall in love with over and over again paired with a few sips, or a few cups, lets be real, of that specialty drink that you just can’t understand how they make taste so good, even at $3.50 a cup, you convince yourself it’s worth it every time, because that last sip just doesn’t seem like enough.